Not my circus, Not my monkeys!

It’s okay to know what you DON’T WANT. However, it’s also important to intentionally shift your thinking to what you DO WANT because believe it or not, the thoughts and words that we choose to express ourselves will gradually shape the core of our identity and destiny.

This can be very powerful when you think about how negative words can hurt you, but positive words never will.   Your words may not be the cause all of your problems, but they can cause a lot of them and they should be given a good deal of consideration when we are looking for answers to the problems we encounter in life.

Today, really think about challenging yourself. Every time you want to say or think something negative, try replacing those thoughts and words with positive alternatives.  Sometimes we find ourselves in situations that we truly don’t want to be in and we wonder what we did to get ourselves into that predicament.  Often times,  we know the end result will not be a positive one even before the situation plays out.  But, we get engaged anyway and end up kicking ourselves later for when everything inside of us is telling us to move in the opposite direction.

So, this brings me to how I came up with the title of this blog. The title is a Polish Proverb.  Think about this: The next time you feel yourself being pulled into other people’s drama that may  include being a part of  negative relationships, unflattering conversations or anything that is not of good will for you personally, I want you to repeat these words: “Not my circus, not my monkeys.”  It may sound a little crazy (and even bring you a giggle or two) but the goal is for you to make the mind shift you need when you know you need to go in a new direction but are not quite sure how.   Repeat, repeat, repeat!  “Not my circus, not my monkeys!”  Now, go forth and be the woman you were created to be!

Are you God?

Of course you are not.  But, some people act as if they are.  These are the people who act as if they are above reproach. They  always seem to find fault in everyone else. They love to connect themselves with people who may not be on their same socioeconomic level so they can be looked up to.  They like to appear smarter, wealthier and better.  Their egos are typically highly inflated  and they find it difficult to find any flaws within themselves.

The “god person”  gives the appearance that they have no worries and no trials. This person generally believes they are above the rules of society and should be given special consideration. They want you to believe  they are in control of everything because they truly believe it themselves. There is no one who is far greater, more superior, more perfect, more untouchable than they themselves.– or so they think.

For those of us who believe in God, we know that these people are a far cry from the omnipotent that we love and serve. Here are few tips on dealing with a human and fallible god.

Respect Yourself –  First and foremost, you have to lead by example.  It’s true. If you don’t respect yourself, then no one else will.  You have to be confident and remain confident when in the company of  these people.  (To thine own self be true -William Shakespeare) In other words, don’t get caught up in trying to fit in. All of us have a a gift that God has given us. Find your gift and use it.

Set Limits– You may live with this person. You may work with this person. Or, you may  have a relationship with this person. However you are connected, you will need to decide how you will keep your sanity. You have to set limits on what you will tolerate and what you won’t.  Make your own rules and have that person abide by them or else you need to move on and get out of the way. This goes back to being respectful of yourself first and not allowing others to disrespect you. It’s a choice. It may be a hard one. But, it is a decision that you will only be able to make.  What can you put up with and what is non-negotiable? Let the “god person” person know this and you make sure that they respect the boundaries you set forth and you make sure you follow through.

Assert yourself – There is a difference between being assertive and aggressive.   Assertive is to go after what you want without putting everything and everyone else at risk at any cost. What you want is to not to be demeaned, ridiculed or passed over. You have to be confident. You have to be pleasantly  persistent and thoughtful of others even when this person takes your patience to a whole other level.  You cannot allow their ways to rub off on you.    Aggressive means all bets are off. Anyone and anything that gets in an aggressive persons way can be viewed as collateral damage. Aggressive people don’t care how it gets done. They just want it done by any means necessary. And they want it done Now!  Be assertive. Be clever. Be smart. Get what you want on your terms  without intimidation or questionable tactics. After all, you are already dealing with someone who thinks they are god.  If you don’t feel as if you can deal with the “god person” on your own, consider seeking professional help.  More importantly,  seek  the real God to help you navigate through your ordeals.  God is the real deal. He knows it. Do you?



A New Attitude

In my last blog, I asked you to pay attention to your thoughts and especially your feelings as you interact with money and money matters. How you react emotionally has a huge impact on your ability to deal with money positively and create the type of calm, confident interaction with money and financial matters that I know you would like to have.

I recently had the pleasure of speaking to a group of sorority women at Georgia Tech. I always talk to students about their money story and how important it is for them to understand their money past so that they can create the kind of money future that they want to have. After the presentation, one of the women came up to me and said, “This is just what I needed to hear. I hate dealing with money and I guess I need to change that attitude!” Indeed!  When you hear someone say that, it is so clear that the energy being put out into the world is not likely to attract money and is not portraying a confident, empowered person! It is just so much harder to see that when the person doing the talking is you!

If you think about why she, or any of us, hates to deal with money, it’s probably because:

  • We don’t feel competent to make good decisions about our money, or
  • We don’t want to face up to our money situation, or
  • It brings up emotions that we just don’t want to feel (shame, fear, anxiety, conflict).

The cure for any of those things is action! Taking action is what moves us from incompetence to competence; it is what changes our money situation, and it is what can sweep away negative emotions by creating the positive association of action, progress, and growth. And action begins with a new attitude – “I just don’t know how” can become “I can’t wait to learn how!” “I’m broke” can become “I’ve got a plan to move to prosperity and debt freedom!” Fear, shame, anxiety and conflict can be converted to empowerment, pride, confidence, and serenity by learning from past mistakes, letting them go, and creating a plan to put in place new habits that move you toward financial peace of mind.

This week look at the ways that you may be “hating money,” avoiding financial topics, and swirling in emotion and see how you can take action to change your thoughts and create a new attitude toward your money. Pinpoint which of those areas applies to you and then get going on that attitude and dive into action.

Patti LaBelle rocked it when she sang:

I’m feelin’ good from my head to my shoes
Know where I’m goin’ and I know what to do
I tidied it up my point of view
I got a new attitude

Get your new money attitude, pick out your empowerment anthem, and start rocking your money story.

To your financial success!



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