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Perfecting the Imposter

I love watching videos on social media. The problem is that when I watch them I always say I’m going to only watch one and then I end up getting pulled into another one. The next thing I know 30 minutes have elapsed and I have watched not one — but 10 videos!

One of the things that I love about watching videos is that people will do so many random things. I’ve seen it all from people bungy jumping through a forest to skateboarding across a fleet of cars to bike racing barely clothed.

But as freeing as some people may be, I have yet to master the art of feeling free in front of a camera. I am one of those women who have not yet elevated herself to the “make-up free” zone. Nor have I moved up to the Beyonce version of “I woke up like this” and been confident that MY “wake-up” look is something that I want to share on video (or that the rest of the world is interested in) .

Nope, I’m not there yet. I’m still that person who wants to portray the image that I’m most comfortable with. So, if it’s a bad hair day, a puffy eye day or a day where I’m just not feeling or looking like my best self, I stay away from being in front of the camera.

I know there are women who really have a problem with my thought process. They say that society has made women feel that they have to have the perfect body and the perfect skin in order to project the perfect image. Do I think I might be a victim who has fallen prey to the societal pressures that have been placed on women? I suppose it could be possible that some of that pressure has trickled down to me over the years. However, the trickle I’ve experienced has not impacted me to the point where I totally obsess over my physical appearance in an unhealthy or self-indulgent way. That would be very scary .

As women become older our skin changes along with our bodies. Wrinkles seem to creep up unexpectedly. Some of us experience weight gain in places we never thought were possible 20 years ago. But, here we are living life with all of the challenges, changes, complications and new beginnings that it brings.

Am I completely comfortable with ALL of the new changes that have come with aging? I’d be lying if I said yes. I’ve been told that I should feel comfortable in my own skin. And I do (for the most part). However, there’s a part of me that still wishes that I could eat at midnight and not worry about the excess weight gain. I also wish that my body could remember how it used to allow me to function on less sleep. Now, 6.5 hours is my minimum — any less than that and I’m a complete zombie who needs a nap by 10:00 a.m. And when it comes to alcohol, let’s just say that I’m one-glass-gal. Any more than one glass of wine and it’s nighty night, don’t let the bed bugs bite!

Here’s what else I know. I don’t feel comfortable in trying to be someone who I’m not. Admiring other women’s looks, style and personality is one thing but, copying their brand is an entirely different path that I have no desire to travel down. I like looking and feeling my best. I like the expectations that I have set for myself. Yes, sometimes my expectations are a little lofty but I’ve always aimed high even when goals were inconceivable to others. Some may have called me conceited. Others may have another name that I won’t write in this blog. But, I call it MY standard. I call it MY truth. And I’m proud of who I am (even on a bad hair day).

I think that it’s important for us as women to choose our own definition of authenticity — and not others definition. My authentic self is being comfortable with what makes me, ME. I’m comfortable without wearing make-up ( I really do leave the house without it on many occasions). I’m even comfortable with having a bad hair day ( I will have a cap on though). There are also days when I’m okay that I’m not looking like my best self. It’s all good. Really. But, my mind will not be changed by peer pressure. I will still stay in my own comfort zone and still keep my distance (within reason)  from being in front of the camera!

Time’s Up!

If you haven’t seen the hashtags that flooded social media and the news headlines surrounding Oprah’s rousing speech she gave at the Golden Globe Awards in January, then you may really need to take more time to Work on Your Now! Not only is  NOW  the time for women in 2018 but also in 2020!  The country is still buzzing about the possibility of history being made again for another viable woman candidate to run for President of the United States (according to the media anyway).

This blog article is not based on politics, However, the topic is one you should keep at top of mind because in 2018 Oprah is reminding women of all races, ages, creeds, and cultures that we have to speak our truth.  If you think about, Oprah’s truth is why so many women love her.  She has always been transparent about her upbringing, her rising and falling during her career and in her personal life.

She speaks from the heart when she instills in us that as women it’s time to celebrate our stories so that we can share them. We should place ourselves in a position to grow and benefit from each other’s experiences.

It doesn’t matter if you are an academic, an assembly line worker, a doctor, a lawyer, a physicist, a salesperson, a consultant, an entrepreneur, a soldier or a farmworker.    If you are a woman then your time is NOW. You must believe in your abilities to do things that you have always wanted to do but were afraid.  Know that you are not the only one who has experienced failure, fear or hard times.  The important thing is that women must believe that they are resilient.  We are survivors and we have to stand as one to support one another.

If you have ever had any doubts because someone has told you that you couldn’t do something, or you feared that you would have backlash or severe repercussions if you spoke out, this message is for you. Call yourself out if you fall into any of these categories. Because guess what?

  • Excuse makers, Time’s Up!
  • Procrastinators, Time’s Up!
  • Naysayers, Time’s Up!
  • Underachievers, Time’s Up!
  • ____________  (YOU fill in the blank), Time’s Up!

 

 

 

 

Spring Forward

I was honored to speak at Lori’s WOYN Breakfast Series on April 28 and so enjoyed my time at the Commerce Club with all of the ladies who were able to attend. (If you have not attended one, take a look at the upcoming schedule and see if you can get it on your calendar!)
While I don’t have the space to go through everything that I presented to them, I did want to share my approach for springing forward with your finances. Think about an area of your financial life that you are dissatisfied with. Take a moment and write it down. Now let’s SPRING forward to improve that situation:

See the situation – view the situation objectively. If emotions are coming up, explore the what, when, why, and how to become clear about why it is emotional for you. Then view it with your actual mind – get rid of the “always,” “never,” and “can’t” statements. List out the facts of the situation and how you would like it to change.
Plan a new approach – what specific action step could you take today to move you from where you are to where you want to be? Continue to list the actions necessary to take another small step.

o     Get the swirling thoughts and ideas out of your head and write it down;
o     Bullet points are best – 1, 2, 3, 4 – that objectifies it, breaks it into smaller pieces, and gives you a specific action step to focus on.
o      Nothing is more empowering than making a plan;
o      Nothing kills fear, guilt, and shame like a plan!

Recruit a positive emotion to feel the way you want to feel
o      Grab hold of the feeling that you want to embody:
o      Confident,
o      Capable,
o      Competent, (we often avoid when we feel incompetent!)
o       In control;
o       Use emotion to power you forward rather than drag you down!

Invest the time
o      This is not going to change overnight;
o       Let go of frustration;
o       Try, try again;
o       It’s a process.
Narrow your focus
o     Pick your biggest battle, the thing/area that is most important to you or is the source of the most frustration,
o     You can’t change everything at once,
o      It is a process,
o      Sometimes you fall a little backward before you spring forward.
Give yourself credit
o      Little victories are cause for big recognition and celebration;
o      You didn’t create the bad habits in a day and you won’t change them that quickly either.
o      Understand that under stress, it all falls apart; it’s ok – just pick yourself up and start anew.

Put some spring in your step by taking one issue that is weighing you down and springing forward to a better place. It may take some time but small steps can take you around the world if you just keep on stepping.

To your financial success,

Tana

Episode 2: Golf Women Mean Business with Patrina King

If you ever wondered what the mystique was about the golf course and why so many deals are done on the course, listen to Founder and CEO Patrina King of Golf Women Business. Patrina talks about how she turned down over 36 golf scholarships and why women who want to grow their business need to learn how to play golf.

Are you God?

Of course you are not.  But, some people act as if they are.  These are the people who act as if they are above reproach. They  always seem to find fault in everyone else. They love to connect themselves with people who may not be on their same socioeconomic level so they can be looked up to.  They like to appear smarter, wealthier and better.  Their egos are typically highly inflated  and they find it difficult to find any flaws within themselves.

The “god person”  gives the appearance that they have no worries and no trials. This person generally believes they are above the rules of society and should be given special consideration. They want you to believe  they are in control of everything because they truly believe it themselves. There is no one who is far greater, more superior, more perfect, more untouchable than they themselves.– or so they think.

For those of us who believe in God, we know that these people are a far cry from the omnipotent that we love and serve. Here are few tips on dealing with a human and fallible god.

Respect Yourself –  First and foremost, you have to lead by example.  It’s true. If you don’t respect yourself, then no one else will.  You have to be confident and remain confident when in the company of  these people.  (To thine own self be true -William Shakespeare) In other words, don’t get caught up in trying to fit in. All of us have a a gift that God has given us. Find your gift and use it.

Set Limits– You may live with this person. You may work with this person. Or, you may  have a relationship with this person. However you are connected, you will need to decide how you will keep your sanity. You have to set limits on what you will tolerate and what you won’t.  Make your own rules and have that person abide by them or else you need to move on and get out of the way. This goes back to being respectful of yourself first and not allowing others to disrespect you. It’s a choice. It may be a hard one. But, it is a decision that you will only be able to make.  What can you put up with and what is non-negotiable? Let the “god person” person know this and you make sure that they respect the boundaries you set forth and you make sure you follow through.

Assert yourself – There is a difference between being assertive and aggressive.   Assertive is to go after what you want without putting everything and everyone else at risk at any cost. What you want is to not to be demeaned, ridiculed or passed over. You have to be confident. You have to be pleasantly  persistent and thoughtful of others even when this person takes your patience to a whole other level.  You cannot allow their ways to rub off on you.    Aggressive means all bets are off. Anyone and anything that gets in an aggressive persons way can be viewed as collateral damage. Aggressive people don’t care how it gets done. They just want it done by any means necessary. And they want it done Now!  Be assertive. Be clever. Be smart. Get what you want on your terms  without intimidation or questionable tactics. After all, you are already dealing with someone who thinks they are god.  If you don’t feel as if you can deal with the “god person” on your own, consider seeking professional help.  More importantly,  seek  the real God to help you navigate through your ordeals.  God is the real deal. He knows it. Do you?

 

 

Ladies, It’s Time To Claim Our Holiday!

What do you call a day that is errand free? It is void of to-do lists, demands from spouses, significant others and kids. Your mind and body are filled with tranquility and relaxation. You maybe chuckling to yourself and saying, “The answer is non-existent. “

But there are days that are set aside especially for us.  We have our birthdays, Mother’s Day, and even Valentine’s Day.  I know what you’re thinking.  “Sure, it’s supposed to be for us.” Yes, I know there is a flip-side. These wonderful celebrations that are meant for you can sometimes be a little lack luster if they still involve you giving gentle nudges and “helpful” reminders to your family so they will remember them.  And even when those holidays are meant for you, you may still have to runaround and make purchases for that special someone who may be also celebrating their special day, too!

While the commercials and our families strive to make these holidays memorable, for the majority of women, these holidays do not typically run on auto-pilot.   The truth is that some type of input or small effort on our part is typically required.  Do you agree?

That is why it’s time for us to claim and name our own holiday!  As women we can band together across America and establish a new holiday just for us entitled, it’s All About Me Day! This holiday would be mandated that all women take the day off – and I mean truly take off!  I want women to do nothing that does not evolve around them. There would be no chores, no child, spouse or significant other care for that day. We will run no errands unless they center around our own needs.  And lastly, we will do what we want, when we want –and not feel guilty. It’s only for a day, ladies. The world will survive.  Or will it?

Imagine, all women in this country   joining together for their own holiday.  Just thinking about a day of utopia puts a smile on my face. How about you, can visualize this awe inspiring day?  Well, Congress may not have approved such a day yet, but Working on Your Now along with Optimum Body Sculpting is hosting its own holiday for Women on April 23 from 9a.m. to 1p.m. at Every Woman Works in Atlanta, GA.

So if you are woman and in need of some me-time, don’t be afraid. Go ahead, take it and join in with the other women who need an It’s All About Me Day for themselves, as well.   Come out and reboot your life and replenish your mind body and spirit.   Together, we will create a worry-free zone and give you a much needed wake-up call that you will never forget. Today is the first day of your new holiday! What are you waiting for? It’s all about you!  For more information, visit www.workingonyournow.com/wakeup

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